Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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