Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
