In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
