could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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