SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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