He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
