I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
