i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Actions speak louder than pants.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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