Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
