Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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