dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
