I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
