its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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