They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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