Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
how do flat chested girls get laid?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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