My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
