i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
