Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
