Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Randomize
