I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
