just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I accidentally burped into my bong.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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