I can text with my tongue
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
