bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
there is glitter all over my balls
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