your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
