the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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