two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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