uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
