i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
