When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
