I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
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