Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
