Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
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