shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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