she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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