Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
