it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
