So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
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