sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
