I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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