Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
