I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
