So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
