did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
