Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
