When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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