Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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