i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
