And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
