I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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