Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
