he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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