Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
