I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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