My liver just broke up with me...
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
