I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
