I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
