she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
