He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
